One month and counting

Joker's in the HouSe!

Hello to my band of dim-witted, retarded Racers! Joker here with some needed reminders concerning your up-coming adventure.

Remember you don't get any bags to check from me. If you absolutley think you need it, your paying for it! It will become cumbersome along the route so fair warning! You will wear your Green Extreme Race T-shirts everyday you race so I don't know why you would need to bring much!

These items are an absolute must that you bring:

1. Cloths for night out on the town (one or two sets) nice jeans are cool!
2. Shorts and/or athletic pants to race in! Preferably with cargo pockets for pens and money!
3. A smaller backpack with a place for a water bottle.
4. warm pull-overs (fleece columbia type) No Jackets should be needed! Average temps for everywhere your headed should fall between 50 and 75.
5. 2 pair sneakers - You can bring sandals and/or flip-flops for part of the race but not to race in!
6. Drivers License and Insurance Card!
7. Swimming attire - (maybe 2)
8. Perscriptions and meds that might be needed - this does not include alcohol which can wait to be purchased until you arrive at your first destination.
9. Cameras and video cams - (your not gonna wanna miss any part of this action!)
10. Tip Money for the Joker!

Your asses better be in shape cause I'm leaving you for dead if you drop during the race!

You will find out you first destination when you arrive at the airport the morning you leave. You will find out your teams when you arrive at your accomodations.

It will be a VERY EARLY MORNING departure! I'm guessing you will have to be at the Airport between 4 and 5 in the morning so plan accordingly! I will tell you for sure later!

No, I won't tell your your teams in advance! No, I won't tell you where your going.....and Yes your still an Idiot!

JoKeR Out!

Hello DipShits

Hello Racers!

We are about three months out from Race time! Isn't that exciting! I figured I better give you a little info. to get ahead of the game and start planning your Strategy.

First, We are still at 24 strong for the trip. The teams are set and boy are they wild! Have you ever tried to lead a herd of blind, stupid monkeys' to a pile of banana's? Well this is worse. There's only two or three of you that I think can actually make it to the finish line without ending up in the hospital, jail or the fuck'n nuthouse!

Here is the jiggy little piggys! You leave very early on Friday, November 5th so get rid of the kiddies the night before. You will return by 3:00 pm the following Saturday, Nov 13th. I have not and will not pay for checked bags for you. We are moving fast everyday and too much luggage is going to slow us down. Get you crap into a carry-on each and bring a backpack or something for your make-up, electronics, etc.... If you must bring a checked bag, you will have to pay for it at the counter. I think it will be $25.00. Maybe you women should pair up with your hair dryers, curling irons and all that useless shit you bring on every trip. Do not worry about shampoo and soap. It will be provided for you. You will be able to do laundry practically everyday and you will be required to wear your Extreme t-shirts during the race. You will receive two each so you can wash and wear them again and again. There will be cool days and warm days on this adventure...not cold though. Leave the coats at home. Pack a long sleeve pull over or two, two nice outfits like nice jeans and shirts to go out on the town in. Pack at least a couple pair of shorts, sunglasses and two pair of running shoes (NOT NEW ONES) make sure they are broken in. We don't need blisters to start the race! Bring socks! you will have the opportunity to wear sandals or flip flops at sometime during the trip if you wish.

I know I said no money due until October 1st, but I'd like to move that up to September 15th if you don't mind. I have to pay off somethings by then and there's nothing cheap about this adventure! I anticipate everyone dropping $500 to $1000 per couple during the trip depending on souvenirs, alcohol, and food.

From the time you arrive til the time you get back on the plane to leave, expect to have an agenda. You will have downtime to tour around and enjoy time away from your dipshit team, but we will be busy most of the trip. Every night you will be finished by 5:00 pm and ready to eat, drink and relax! (for the most part that is! hehe). You will be happy with your accommodations but you do have a layover going out and coming back. Hey!!!! I had a tight budget so shut the hell up!

I will have at least one or two Laptops for you to use each day with WI-FI. Only bring yours if there are documents or software you just absolutely need during your time away! Otherwise they will be community laptops!

People...This is going to be an awesome race...I'm jealous I don't get to do it, but you absolutley have to prepare for it! This is your last warning to get somewhat into shape! You don't have to run long distance or do 100 push ups and sit ups. The biggest two things are these....Stretch every day your leg muscles, back, neck, arms, ankles and all you other moving parts. this is going to keep the next morning blues down a bit. You are going to use muscles you didn't know you had. Remember your going to race all day, drink all night and then get up and do it again! STAMINA!!!!! Secondly, get some cardiovascular going! jog short distances to start. Get up to where you can run a mile without stopping before we go. It doesn't have to be fast. Just so you don't have to walk!

We will pass through more than 70 cities before this is all over! (I had to change routes a little for time sake) Travel a long ass way, meet a lot of cool new people and have the adventure of a lifetime with each other...if your not as fuck'n excited as a fat kid in a pie store yet, you might be a loser!!! So get your game face on pussies because it all happens in 3 Months!

JoKer OuT!

The Joker Got Punked

Great job of punking the Joker, racers!! He had no idea of the fun festivities that were planned in his birthday honor. It does my heart good to know that we could pull one off and he had NO idea!

You all did a great job of keeping it a secret...let's hope he doesn't hold any of those "challenges" against us during the race...note to self...wear extra shorts AT ALL TIMES during the race!

Thanks for a great time!!

WOW...24 peeps are going pack'n come November! That's exciting! As I look through the list of participants; I can't help but think we have all the makings to start a Class A Nuthouse knowing the personalities going! I have listed the participants below with a short but accurate bio. Enjoy!

Dan Martin - Omaha Cop who I taught the meaning of life to in DARE class many years ago. He was voted most likely to be a worthless dipshit loser when he grew up. He didn't disappoint!

Melanie Pratt - The Jokers inbred cousin who washes wieners as a nurse in Omaha. This ones liver is almost done for so some one bring a dialysis machine for when she goes down! Oh..That's for kidneys???

Todd Seaman - Works for WDM Parks and Rec. solely to take small boys to camp circle jerk in the summertime! It's no wonder we all need that dipship Dr. Phil telling us how we're all screw'd up!

Kate Burrell - Chris's drunken cousin! Voted most likely to detour to a pub to get shitfaced during the race...oh and she's a bitch!

Christine Hayes - Absolutely and without doubt...the spawn of Satin!

Rob Moran - Stuck up doctor who's had his hand up my ass on several occasions. I'd like to say I didn't like it...but I can't ;)

Jennifer Moran - Stuck up doctor's wife who calls herself a nurse practitioner. That means she needs to practice be a better nurse cause she sucks! She may have had her hand up my ass too...not sure!

Andy Countryman - Dickhead cop who works for the bestest SGT ever.

Angela Herrin - Dickheads girlfriend who lives in sin with him solely to boost the dickhead's self-esteem!

Ed Miner - Friend and the biggest redneck goat fucker you'll ever see. Claims to own some type of sod and seed business that's no doubt a front for smuggling illegals across the border in large rolls of grass!

Lynne Miner - The goat fuckers wife who can't find her way to her very own kitchen! How the hell she's gonna navigate through this race beats the shit out of me.

Mike Bailey - Owns My Favorite Muffin Muffin Shop which is actually defined as "Some Fucken Slop I cooked up and am now pedaling to your dumb ass as a food product"!

Sue Bailey - I have no idea what this woman does, but we act like we like her so we get free Muffins from her Slop Shop husband!

Kurt Brandhorst - Stupid Neighbor who does something with hospital equipment.....I don't know what he does with it but he orders KY Jelly by the gallon and has a recycling bin full of sticky rubber gloves...ick!

Stephanie Brandhorst - Sticky guy's chick that leaves the house every morning with a hairdo like that Caneron Diaz in "Something about Mary"!

Dawn Hageman - Types up medical shit at home and lives down the road. She drives like shit and runs over every neighbors' shrubs and trees when they're asleep.

Kyle Hageman - Crazy Driver's Hubby who works at Mid American energy. He stab's, carves and shoots pretty much anything that walks. Jed Clampet wannabe. Don't bend over in front of him unless you inspiret to be an extra in the movie Broke Back Mountain!

Amanda Brend - Neighbor voted the blonde most likely to end up in some middle eastern country when she loses her way during this race. Just pray you're not teamed with this one boyz and girlz. She will be a Wrong Way Wendy!!!

Tim Brend - Howie Mandell look alike and Cowgirl fan married to the middle eastern traveller.

Dan Flaritty - Works for Principal like all the other losers lost in the employment masses of the greatest insurance scammers of the 21st century. His daughter Ellie plays with our 8 year old brat Maddie.

Allison Flaritty - The Scammer's honey who claims to be a stay at home mom right now. We all think she runs a phone sex operation out of the house while the kids are taking their naps! Can't prove it....yet!

Tara and Mark El Cock - a pair of blood sucking lawyers who live in the back woods of Warren county where the movie, "The Hills Have Eyes" was filmed....need I say more??

I am number 24 for you idiots that couldn't figure it out!

Hey Boys and Girls, Here is where we stand at this time! We have 19 people confirmed for the event. We have 6 or 7 others still considering, but they have to check on a couple things first. I will post all of the names in a few days with a bit of a biography so you know what your up against! I must say I like the way our route is shaping up! It's gonna be a blast! Get ready for a RUSH!

The JOKER

Mystery Racers....

Rumor has it that another team has signed on for this adventure....wonder if they'll post their profile pictures or leave us all to ponder the competition?

Maybe the Joker will do us all a favor and pair one of them with big mouth
Ed and cheater Danno so the rest of us don't have to put up with them.

I have to admit, kind of disappointed in Team Biotch and my fellow Bling team members for not weighing in on those two loser's comments! Seriously, help a girl out!!

Invitation Accepted!

Hello all, (12:01:01 Moscow time-March 1st)

This invitation by the Jokster has been seriously contemplated and the decision has been made to accept it. I have already hand picked a winning team and will enjoy the destruction that will be done.

The "Jokster" made the mistake of coming into my house (see above). I have since placed him in the suitcase until he lets me pick my team and tells us where we are going..so it might not be till we all get to the airport when he gets out.

Batman, if you need to take a few licks out on the suitcase I will provide it for you to beat the crap out of. (He is not real scary)

Lets Race!

Big in Texas